Photo by Joshua L Durkin

I was in a texting argument with a friend the other day who is still in college. She was ghetto-hot for a young man with over-indulged muscles and a can-opener chin. It went something like this:

Her: “I need 4 ways to get this guys attention i want him to know me”.

Me: “What does he like to do? What does he look like? And what does he drink?”

Her: “i donno he likes 2 party… i mean really party”.

Me: “Apply warm beer. It’ll dilate your blood vessels and make your skin
hot and attractive to frat boys used to seeing girls pour beer on
their faces.”

Her: “thats good i needed to hear that from you”.

And so on.

The obvious, since they are both of age, would be to take the guy out drinking, and make him pay for it, thus instilling in his peanut brain the fact that he has staked some sort of pseudo-claim to her that resembles forced prostitution.

I’m waiting to hear back about the results.

Me? I haven’t had any ghetto-hot prospects, but I’ve been trying to get a heavy learning on the shitstorm that produced our Great Recession. One beacon of light towards a birth of understanding, a seeming master explainer, is Matt Taibbi. When listening to Kid Cudi’s Pursuit of Happiness isn’t enough to give a person the feeling that their tribulations and work are worthwhile experiences in life, it takes a wit-spotted humorist to help keep sanity within reach.

But when even that isn’t enough, good drink and above all whisky is necessary to knock loose the anger lining the veins.

Tonight it’s session number 35 of Harpoon’s 100 Barrel Series, the Catamount Maple Wheat, available on draft and in 22oz bombers.

According to the Harpoon Brewery website: “The Harpoon 100 Barrel Series is a return to our brewing roots. We call it the 100 Barrel Series because that’s exactly what it is— one-of-a-kind limited batch creations fashioned by a Harpoon brewer. Every couple of months a different Harpoon brewer will choose a style, develop a recipe, and brew the beer—from selecting the ingredients to the final filtration. You will find that brewer’s signature on each bottle of beer from their batch. So if you like the beer, you’ll know who to thank.”

This session is brewed by Brett Simmons.

The beer, opened… ah, angel drink. It warms and fellates the dark areas of the mind.

At 6.8% abv, it has a brown sugar smell on opening, which is likely the maple syrup aroma and flavor. At first the bottle looked outrageously carbonated, but it didn’t taste it at all, and the head subsided quickly. The beer exhibits a soft, almost buttery taste. And certainly doesn’t taste like it’s 6.8%, which is both good and bad for obvious reasons.

Photo by Joshua L Durkin

I noticed hints of wheat, and subtly done vibrations of syrupy New England growth. Very well. I had a grapefruit around, and decided that since many beers go well with orange or grapefruit slices, I’d try a combination. I poured the beer into a smaller glass and experimented with a squeeze of ruby grapefruit juice and let the slice float in the beer. It was not good. No go on the Grapefruit and Catamount. But, I’ll assume that some might like it, since it wasn’t that bad….

I admire the big mountain cat adorning the limited edition small batch crest on the bottle. Catamount, after all, is another name for a large cat that roams mountain sides and yearns for large prey and fat-covered bones to gnaw on for sustenance and general good dental health.

According to Harpoon’s website, this isn’t the first go at the Catamount Maple Wheat. Between February and April of 2009, it was the brewery’s 26th session beer. At that point it had slightly less abv at 6.75% and IBU rating of 20 and original gravity of 15.9. The current Catamount Maple Wheat has an OG of 15.6 and an IBU rating of 21.

The beer is a nice drink, and worth the $5.99 cost.

Overall: a 7.2, for it’s maple flavor and smoothness.