This week my university is on spring break. So in the spirit of scantily clad women, tropical locations, and drunken frat boys nationwide, I will be reviewing Natural Ice. You can also catch this entry in Western Connecticut State University’s parody edition of the Echo, the Yekko.

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Upon purchasing my selection of Natural’s “Ice” variety, I promptly placed it in my beer cellar to age. It may not be, perhaps, the most traditional of cellars, as it resides in the trunk of my car next to my rain poncho and spare tire. I hoped the cool, dark interior of a 2004 Hyundai Elantra trunk might add some notes of spice to this famous and distinguished brew.

Upon cracking the 12oz can, I immediately recognized its fruity, cornmeal scent from past summers of underage binge drinking. It’s appearance was that of carbonated vegetable oil with a very thin lacing head. Ah! The fruity splash upon my palate! The aftertaste of cornmeal and aluminum against tongue! A delight for the senses and at 5.9 percent ABV, a sharpener of the intellect and libido.

For pairing, I would recommend a sharp cheddar chex-mix, often found in bowls at the most prestigious drinking establishments. Theses delectables, often poured from large containers found at your local Costco, blend the salt of cheese-dust mixed with the residue of other bar-goer’s finger-grime.  The bar mix compliments the saccharine cornmeal and esters of our dear Natural.

I would find myself most at ease with this brew while hitting on underage, intoxicated women and whilst screaming obscenities at my local sporting arena.

Overall: Two flat-brimmed baseball caps up.

Availability: Wherever economic depression and testosterone strike.

Drinkability: Enough to do a keg-stand long enough for Cher to age.

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